The Apple Does Not Fall Far From The Tree

In high school, about once a month, my mother would get locked out of the house. Whether it was her or the kids locking her out, I would get a pass from the school to dismiss me from class to go home and let her in. Then make the trek back to school.

A couple months ago, I got locked out of our house while mowing the lawn. Luckily Erica would be home in 4 hours so I went running and then fell asleep on the front porch. This time was a bit different.

This afternoon, there was a knock on the back door. It was Landon and Parker trying to STEAL our beer pong table. Parker had pulled up in our back alley and Landon had climbed over the fence thinking we would leave our shed unlocked and they could grab it without Erica or I ever knowing. Wrong. After much debate I went out to let Landon in our shed.

On my attempt back in the house, I realized the door was locked. So I quickly yelled at the boys to wait so they could help me. Help me do what? I don't know. But Erica was in KC and I was still in my pajamas and it was 31 degrees. Parker and Landon tried to use credit cards and other devices to break into the house. They didn't work so I had to call a locksmith. While I waited for the locksmith, the boys left-yeah I know, and I hung out at my neighbors, Lauri (pronounced like Sorry if you were wondering) and talked crazy for about an hour.

The locksmith finally shows up and it was not as easy as in the movie "The Italian Job". He put a blood pressure pump in the door (that basically acted like a giant credit card) and didn't work, then used a can of hairspray or something. Then FINALLY broke out the Italian Job tools. $75 and 1.5/2 hours later, I am in the house. Hot after my hot shower!!!

Pretty much I blame Parker and Landon for the whole thing, but why wouldn't I?? But, there is a Temptation Island Marathon on, so that basically makes the day awesome.

Hot Water

This morning started out like any other. I wake up, talk to Erica about the fact that the heat does not work and the guy that will be coming to fix it, then go to take a shower. I turn on the water and its freezing cold. I go check the pilot light and it is indeed out on the hot water heater. Mini panic attack. Erica offers that I shower at Cooper but its already 7:45 and I would be super late to work (instead of my normal 30 minutes late to work). I call Rachel and ask if I can use her shower. Being the good friend she is, she says yes. She has to leave for work at 8 so I throw a bunch of stuff in a bag and head over.

Of course its raining so the drive takes twice as long.

I get to Rach's, shower, get creeped out why her cats watch me. I am already running late so I decide to do my make up at work. Do my hair (which looks awful by the way) go to get dressed. Get creeped out again by the cats, and realize that I forgot to pack pants. MAJOR PANIC ATTACK.

I calm down and realize that I dropped some off at the dry cleaners the other day so I put on my cardigan, sweats and tennis shoes to go pick the pants up. Take one more look at the creepy cats and leave. I pick them up and realize I have no wear to change.

So I walk into work (45/50 minutes late) with a cardigan, sweat pants, tennis shoes and no make up on. Who do I get on the elevator with? The douchey sales guy that makes some comment about superman and changing in the elevator...ugh. Haahah..yea, that's how I decided to get dressed this morning. I then proceed to get made fun of why I am brushing my teeth (did I mention I didn't have time to do that as I left this morning-good thing I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my desk) and changing in the bathroom. Like a homeless person.

Its 11:06 am and I still have no make up on. Good thing I am so naturally good looking...

go stars.

Dentist

So if you are like me, you hate going to the dentist. I hate it so much that I rarely go. My last appointment was in November of 2007. And before you say gross I would just like to tell you what the dentist said...

"Wow. You have some of the best oral hygiene I have ever seen. Your teeth look like you just came about a month or 2 ago. You have fantastic teeth. What do you do?" I brush. So there.

Anyway, the appointment starts out like most when you have not been there in years, they take x-rays. 18 to be exact and my gag reflex is a bit stronger than I thought. The entire time, the dental hygienist is telling me about the fact that her and her boyfriend just got a cat. But the cat was his decision not hers (um maybe he needs to find a man-sorry if you like cats:) ) and how she found him on eharmony. All the while asking extremely personal questions about my life and if whomever sleeps in my bed can hear my teeth grinding, if I have tried dating websites, etc, while I cannot talk at all.

We have now arrived at the front teeth for the xray. Background, I have never had an issue getting my teeth x-rayed before. For those of you that don't know, I am tongue tied. Like really tongue tied. The tip (close to the top) of my tongue is attached right below my bottom front teeth. I can stick my tongue out about 1/2 of a centimeter. Most tongue ties (probably yours) are an inch further back from mine.

Anyway, we get to the front teeth and she cannot xray because I am tongue tied. I am sorry, because of my lingual fraenulum. She then asks me "Did you know you are really tongue tied" Um yes. Yes I did. For 25 years now. Did she really think that no dentist had ever told me that?

So then the dentist came in, who I really like, and told me that he suggested I get it cut. Which my uncles always told me they would do with scissors growing up. It would take about 5 minutes and only be about 2 days of healing. But, I am really scared that I will have to relearn how to kiss and eat. Or that my tongue will just hang out of my mouth like a dog.

Dumb fears, but really...

Counterfeit

So working in the Entertainment industry, I have seen my fair share of counterfeit tickets and even some dollar bills, but today I encountered a first.

So at about 4:30, Delma, Amy and I went to the pop machine. I put in my 3 quarters to get my DDP (Diet Dr. Pepper). However, one of the quarters would not go in. I tried about 6 times then gave up. On my way back to my office I took a closer look at the quarter. Not only was it not the same size as a regular quarter but it was a different type of metal and color. George's head on the front was "3D" off the quarter, I mean it feels completely different. AND on all quarters there is a letter to the right of Washington's pony tail, no letter here.

So of course I tell about everyone at work. No joke, multiple people ask me where I got the quarter. "Um, I don't know. Let me go check my coin diary at home" .... scroll diary pages- "1963 quarter - Goodcents on Monday, January 4th." Yes that is where I got it!

I can't imagine that making fake money is an easy task, why would you talk all of your time to make fake quarters? If I was going to make fake money it would be 20s and hundies. Does this person only pay in quarters?

Moral of this story (like there is one): Look out for a person who only pays in quarters.

Just Another Happy Hour or Civic Duty???

So on Thursday, my friend Amy approached me and asked me if I would like to do happy hour. Of course, I said yes. However, this wasn't just any type of happy hour. This happy hour was to contribute to our city. You may be thinking, I bet the proceeds went to charity or something, well you would be wrong. This happy hour was for the Dallas Police Department.

You may have once wondered, how do they train the cops to do sobriety tests, well the get the public drunk and then test them. We had to be at the Dallas PD right after work. We got there around 5PM to fill out paperwork and take your first Breathalyzer. You also had to give them your ride's name and number. You then had to consume 2 drinks per hour and they would determine the amount of alcohol based upon body weights, heights and how drunk they wanted you some people have not had one drink at all). You also may question where this free alcohol came from. Well its the booze that they confiscate from people once they are pulled over or whatnot-unopened bottles only-at least I hope. So for 2 hours you sit there drinking and playing cards (Phase 10 for our game of choice, and of course I won).

After the 2 hours they then give you another Breathalyzer and send you down to "field training". You enter a room with about 50 cop trainees. You then do 3 standard tests-

1. Walk a straight line, heal to toe. 9 Steps forward, 3 step pivot turn, 9 steps back-dismount.
2. Follow their finger why they whip it back and forth. (I am sorry, but dead sober, no drink in your life-this test is ridiculous. You are expected to keep your head completely still why following their finger with you eyes only. But, their finger is moving about 30 mph.)
3. Balance on one foot and count out loud with a Mississippi in between. Simple enough but they keep telling you to only look at your foot and check to see if you are looking at the space in front of your foot.

You do this about 4 or 5 times with different groups of cops, and then at the end, the cops guess your Breathalyzer level. They were pretty close when they guessed my levels. However, I cannot really remember the numbers...

I still cannot believe this is legal, but what do I know, I am not a cop.

Jumping on the Bandwagon

So all of my friends have blogs and Erica keeps pressuring me to have one. Well ladies and gents, here it is. It really starting the other night when Erica and I were watching SYTYCD (So You Think You Can Dance for those of you that live in a hole). We were watching Kathryn and Jakob's routine to the Michael Buble song. They were rolling around on the floor and I said "I wonder if dancers point their toes when they are doing the deed?" Random thought....

I warn you, it will probably be more of just thoughts in my head, spelled incorrectly. I will use the correct form of "there" though. That is one of my biggest pet peeves. And for details as to why I have the title that I do. Check the description.